Eastbourne Viagara Blues

(Sung as fastish 12 bar)

Well, I woke up this morning,
With a twinkle in my eye,
Well I woke up this morning, spring in my step, glad to be alive,
Though I was 92 last week, doctor gave me these pills
Which made me feel like I’m 25.

No more afternoon naps now, Doris
No more gentle strolls along the prom.
No more moaning about the price of things,
No more playing bowls from this moment on,
Cos I’m a testosterone fuelled rocket
Ugh!!!I’m a sex machine so turn me on

Gonna head on down to Eastbourne ,Doris,
Like that Bionic Man , I’ve been remade
Gonna head on down to Eastbourne, Doris,
Where everyone is 85 in the shade,
Though they call it the Costa Geriatrica, those passionkiller Marks and Spencers knickers ain’t gonna stop me getting my wicked way!

No more of them toasted teacakes
Wave goodbye to those buttered “scewnes”,
No more of them toasted teacakes now,
Say goodbye to those buttered “scewnes”,
(that’s how they say ‘scones’ in Eastbourne)
No more delicate bone china teacups,
Gonna spew up my 15 pints of rotweiler lager in the road.

Gonna throw way that zimmerframe, babe
I think I’m seeing red
I’m gonna listen to that sound of shattering glass
Gonna kick in someone’s head
‘Cos I shot a man in Brighton,
‘Cos he wouldn’t speak up so I could hear what he said..


Won’t you squeeze my teabag,
Till the juice runs down my chins,
Squeeze my teabag
Till that juice runs all down my chins,
Got that lead back in my pencil
And that zing back in my dingaling

Because my doctor’s given me these pills, now
Feel like I’m born again,
My doctor’s given me this Viagra pills,
Old John Thomas will rise again,
(ooh I say…)
So I’m off on my club 85/100 holiday,
Silver shaggers here we come.