Grown Up Now

Hey look, mum, I can do a stand up wee
Hey I’m really grown up now
No more nappies or sitting on the potty,
Hey I’m really grown up now
From small acorns big oak trees grow
And a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do
So I’m off to write my name in the snow
The boy has become the man.

Hey mum, I can ride my bike
Hey I’m really grown up now
Tall in the saddle sort of John Wayne Like
Hey I’m really grown up now
Look mum, no hands can you believe ?
I fly through the air with the greatest of ease
“Bang” hey look,mum, no front teeth
The boy has become the man

Yesterday I used the f-word
Hey I’m really grown up now
And one or two other ones that I’ve heard
Hey I’m really grown up now
And very soon I’ll say a few more
Though I wouldn’t actually say that I swore
More like it fell down my trouser leg onto the floor
But the boy has become the man

Now I’m sixteen and ready to ride,
Hey I’m really grown up now
On my brand new Yamaha, my gleaming pride
Hey I’m really grown up now
Provisional licence and off we go
Though I didn’t see that patch of oil on the road
Three broken ribs are what I have to show
But the boy has become the man

Today I drank 15 pints of lager
Hey I’m really grown up now
You can probably guess the rest of the saga
Hey I’m really grown up now
We’ll all agree it was an absolute cert
That I’d bump into me mates Hughie and Bert
Technicolour yawn, my head don’t half hurt
But the boy has become the man

Today I kissed Tracey and we used tongues
Hey I’m really grown up now
And I had to hide the love bites from me mum
Hey I’m really grown up now
Three weeks later and we’ve gone all the way
Though it didn’t last very long I’m bound to say
But I’m gonna tell me mates it lasted all day
The boy has become the man

Me wedding was a piss up we were drunk as rats
Hey I’m really grown up now
And now we’ve spawned three revolting brats
Hey I’m really grown up now
I suppose you could say it was written in the stars
I’d end up selling insurance or second hand cars
Or something where you need to talk out of your arse
Yes the boy has become the man.

Now my mid life crisis has definitely arrived
Hey I’m really grown up now
And I’m entitled to my little bit on the side
Hey I’m really grown up now
The missus got headaches and a great big bum
Took her Brian Ferry LPs and vanished into the sun
Now the CSA are after five figure sum
Yes, the boy has become the man

Now I’m fiftysomething with a new lease of life
Hey I’m really grown up now
So I’ve gone out and bought a Yamaha motorbike
Hey I’m really grown up now
I’ll relive my youth, give her full welly
With a pair of tight leathers to hold in my belly
Do I feel a pratt? no not on your nelly
For the boy has become the man

Now I’ve drawn me pension and I walk with a stick
Hey I’m really grown up now
Into second childhood I slowly drift
Hey I’m really grown up now
Senility rules , incontinence is bliss
Moaning all the time, just a miserable old git
Maybe if I reach 100 I may well yet
See the child become the man