The Melodeons Are Coming

Strange portents in the southern skies
Ill omens they are borne
And naked Morris Dancers make crop circles in the corn
A comet races through the sky, foreboding on the wind
Strange conjunctions of the planets, these are bad times my friend

There's chaos on the stock exchange, panic at the ports
The mormons are on their mobile phones, forces on red alert
Supermarket shelves are empty but the churches have full pews
TV schedules rearranged to get the latest news

I do not speaqk of nuclear war or asteroid attack
Ofsted inspectors, bubonic plague, no it's far far worse than that
Not the Martians, not the Daleks, Anne Widdecombe or mad cow
And even Nostradamus did not foresee what's happening now

Oh, they came down in their spacecraft, one hot summer's night
Hideous leering aliens with a green unearthly light
Some had one row of nobs on, and some had two or three
But all were justv as deadly to the likes of you and me


Oh, they breathed through dreadful bellows, through which the air was blown
Destroying all things in their path with a hideous piercing moan
With that dreadful mission statement from the planet of their birth
Saying "death to all things musical that are upon the earth "

The melodeons are coming, cover up your ears my friends
When you hear their ghastly wailing carried on the wind
The melodeons have landed and its very plain to see
That this is the way the world will end....
All in the key of D !

Although they have no life themselves they exist as parasites
Arttach themselves to a human host for all his natural life
They look so harmless in their cases lying over there
But pick one up and gorgon like it will fix you with a stare

"Oh, pick me up and play me," and no man can resist
As they weld themselves forever between the victim's fists
His muscles go into spasm, his eyes go all aglazed
Condemned to play endless tunes for the rest of his days

Those tunes go round in circles, evrybody plays the same
No one can step out of line in this deathly game
It's no good trying to put one down, you will find you can't
Stuck for eternity playing tunes that all sound like Nellie the Elephant.

It starts off with just one in the corner, with himself he will play
But like a cuckoo in the nest drives all other instruments away
And like a siren lures other poor mortals to their doom
And soon you'll have 150 of the buggers all playing in one room

They mutate like a virus spreding at the speed of light
Drag in more hapless victims to feed teir appetite
Stike fear into the bravest hearts, put a chill into the soul
Ithink I just saw one swallow a concertina whole

The melodeons are coming, cover up your ears my friends
When you hear their ghastly wailing carried on the wind
The melodeons have landed and its very plain to see
That this is the way the world will end....
All in the key of D ! ( or G .. apparently ??)

They gather round in workshops, world dominance to plan
Not content till they possess control of every man
A farewell to all intercourse, conversation is all done
Communicate by nods and grunts in between the tunes

You can't fight them on the beaches or flee to the mountains high
Only to put off the day when the spider gets the fly
They can penetrate solid concrete, ferret in the deepest holes
Till in the end we're caught in a trap like rabbits, rats or moles

For the victims there is no way back there can be no release
Not even a stake driven through the heart can bring them inner peace
Till death comes as a welcome friend to take away their pain
As they all meet their final end from repetitive strain

The melodeons are coming, cover up your ears my friends
When you hear their ghastly wailing carried on the wind
The melodeons have landed and its very plain to see
That this is the way the world will end....
All in the key of D !

(repeat chorus)